So far..

So I haven't updated this place much recently. But its because I don't really know what to update now. I have officially changed my major. Im excited, nervous, and determined. I keep thinking and slowly sculpting my future goals. I wish Ringling wasn't so strict about their majors, but I completely understand why. When you focus and strictly keep to the curriculum, you are sure to get the expected quality you want in the students. But then there is me who wants to criss-cross into both aspects. My future is not as direct anymore as it would have been if I just stayed in Computer Animation, but I feel this is closer to what I wanted in my life. I love art. Art is what I was meant for, i think, in life. It's a gift and curse. As much as I love the concept of the sciences, I just don't have the knack for it. I also don't have a knack for painting, but as little patience as I already have, im more tolerant for art frustrating me.

I feel as though im feeling my way. The embodiment of what im meant to do in life is somewhere in a haze, and im feeling my way thru the fog. Hands tracing along the surface of different obstacles and light sources, which represent each aspect in my life that slowly bring me closer to the ultimate light, my place in the world.

I have been told I have a natural ability to find fluidity and movement, and thats with me not really trying. Sadly, i find pushing movement in 'illustrations' more satisfying. It's like me being told I had the natural ability to sing, but to everyone's dismay, I greatly disliked singing in front of people. Waste of talent, i suppose? But I love to act! haha. I can perform in front of huge crowds, just not sing. I guess I unconciously go for the harder route.

My goal as of now is to learn all that I can learn being an illustrator, and teach myself all the 3D aspects, like: modeling, texturing, and animating. Those I can learn from my friends or from other sources. I won't be as great as the students who are strictly in that focus, but i will have the drawing, color sense, varied media, and commercial abilities that won't be taught in CA. I want the skills that illustrators are taught to better myself as an artist. Not an illustrator. Not a computer animator. Not as a ringling student. But as a person whose life discipline is the arts. Bringing myself to self-enlightenment, so to say. Sounds corny, but I just now see myself as an artist/entertainer foremost, and then I apply myself as an illustrator/3d artist. It would be the same as me being an artist at heart, but working in engineering. I would apply my artistic way of thinking into the technical side.

The point is, I am going to dedicate myself to learning all that I can learn and practice here as an Illustrator, but I definately aim to still work in the film/game industry.

The future seems to be headed into a computer animation craze, and with so much of that going around, I'm sure I can catch enough information and instruction to teach myself. The art of illustration is not AS popular, but i feel the different aspects in illustration is still quite neccessary. (color, concept, composition, storytelling) It's just that it's not taught in great detail when you go into a strict focus like comp anim. (imo) I really want this foundation in my skillset, before I dabble with the digital counterparts of all that.

Why am i such a supporter for Illustration, after being a strong computer animation advocate?

To be honest, before I ultimately decided on computer animation for my major or future goal. I gave passive-agressive consideration for illustration. The painting classes scared me off. I never painting. Tried it a few times before (incorrectly), and was turned off to painting from that point on. But now that I've seen what painting can do, and i've tried it myself, im still not great, but i'm strangely determined to learn. It's like a video game i keep dying in, and getting frustrated with, but i keep wanting to come back and play it again in determination.

I feel so determined and ambitious. I want to learn more about myself and what i'll accomplish. I don't know whats possible, but by God I will do what no other illustrator here i know has done. Be a Illustration major, maybe Viz Dev minor, and Game Art concentration (know modeling, texturing, and enough animation) student. I dont care for Character Animating anymore. lol. I now know thru practice the raw meaning of it, the art of movement (duh), and i don't really want to spend hours on how to make the character run correctly. I want to tell a story, whether its thru environment or scenarios, and spend hours on that. The act of movement is secondary to me after storytelling. And as much as storytelling is the main thing in CA, the art of movement is just as big. Something I underestimated and just plain didn't know until i tried it. As I learned before, programming computers looks FUN (it does!), but it wasn't until i tried some of it out for myself did I find it was not for me. Astronomy looks fun, but astrophysics im sure will be like oil and water with me.

I can't wait for next year to learn and do something that I feel supports & encourages my "lifestyle".

I feel pretty stubborn. lol

Anyways, this post was to get out all that I've learned about myself and things in geneal. Something to look back to and see my progress as a person. I like information, so alot of this was just whenever i had idle thoughts, felt inspired to research studios and artists, or was talking & explaining with my fellow friends and classmates what my inclination for changing majors was.

Keep at it, self! Your past self looks forward to being the best and happy!

today

I turned in a project that was due today. We had like 5 weeks to work on it i suppose. I am just guessing. And I started working on it like around 9pm. (im guessing again) I took an hour nap. Then worked on it all morning. Finished just as class started. But had to make two trips to my dorm since my pieces were life size.

I did a performance art thing for my communicating design assignment. The teacher loved it. I did costume change aswell.

He implied that he would have loved to enter my piece into the Best of Ringling Core classes, but my artwork was too big, and I would have had to stay with my artwork since I was practically a part of it.

So thats a nice boost to my ego of sorts. I'm sleepy. And tired.

Still researching my options. Researching, researching. Thinking thinking.

just curious

talked to advisor. Just talk. Scoped my options. Varied from Game Art, Digital Film, GIC, and Illustration. Although, im pretty sure I would not choose GIC or Digital Film. So between Game CA or Illustration. Not sure what I'd do tho. So my advisor gave me a list of people to talk to. Mostly dept. heads. I'm not sure if Im meant to be in Computer Animation. I can do it, but will i truly enjoy it. The idea of working in studios with fellow animators and enjoying the different community things seems so wonderful.

I'm not sure if Illustration will pay enough. Why am I worried with pay? I need money. I hear its the thing to have these days. It's one thing to pursue your career, and then to pursue it while being poor. Im pretty sure I can be happy and make anything work. But what will my parents think? I already know it's my choice. So I shouldn't worry. But im so considerate. Sometimes I wonder if my kindness get in the way of getting things done. Im sure it will pay enough if you enjoy it enough and make something of it.

I don't like 2D animating. And it's a risk to keep going at this rate, not knowing for sure what I really want. Cuz its time and money that is weighed into this equation. Right now I supporting my efforts thru the idea that I'll love 3D animating. But the idea of secluding myself in the labs is almost... I don't know. I don't know what I want. Thats why this Spring Break I want to find myself. I've got until April 9 to make my choice.

Thankfully, Ringling is the best school for the majors I'm interested in. Not so much GAD just yet, but thats only cuz they haven't had the chance to shine. I don't want to give up. After all, this is what I've been working so hard for. Life is so difficult, yet I appreciate it so much.

It'd be awesome if................i could major in Illustration and minor in motion graphics. Oh ya, I should check to see summer classes about that.

Glendale CC has motion graphics. But nothing good during the summer.What a bummer. I guess just do more research online. I will do that later today (tomorrow since i haven't slept yet). Something for me to do. And atleast I'll get sleep. So that I can survive/stay awake during Vilppu's workshop. Yup.

Screw that getting a normal job thing. Not everybody can have animation as their job. I think it is uberly unfair that I would be subject to having to face CA or go to a normal job. I mean.... I enjoy different things. I enjoy drawing,m and I enjoy making stories. I wonder what the game art and design major is like. But in all honesty im not sure what my path will take me. I feel just as confused as some other peo0pope but at times I feel like I know more. IAnd techinically if you loook at  al my knowledge I really do know more. But with ringling's GAD i don't know eough. Not enough to really have enough to base my information on. And right now my friends are watching a movie that I don't feel like watching. I want to watch it=, but I don't want to right now. OFcourse, just hearing mina screawm is enough to illustrate to me what could possibly be happening. Eff that shit. If I don't want to animate traditionally then I shouldn't have to. I am really tired too. So sleep sounds good about now. But whatever.  Yawwwwwnnn......

Almost Spring Break!

I've been forgetting to put up my movie "reviews", so I guess I'll be doing that sometime soon. Maybe even later today. And I may also take pictures of my actual work. Things that aren't just sketches. ;\

I don't know if I am happy yet. Confused.

btw, I'm going to a Vilppu workshop this Spring Break! yeeeeey.....

oy!

Well, I passed by the Career Office today, just being nosy ya know. And the Advising Office was just next door. They had the sheets that show the basic curriculum of all the majors....

I saw the curriculum of Illustrators, and I didn't like it. lol! I am NOT interested in painting at all. So thats that. I'll just take Illustration electives (maybe minor if i can in it), but I'm sticking with animation. I am still not excited about traditional animation, so I hope I can survive with this reluctant outlook on it.

:)

...or am i really sure? Doh!

A post with less depression

I feel a bit better than before. I guess I can seem like a depressing, or easily de-motivated, person, but I'm pretty sure thats not the whole truth. haha. I still haven't found my love for Traditional Animation class. I'm not sure if it's the whole animating process that bums me out, because you can animate one scene, scan it into the computer, but then the whole scene can be animated completely wrong. I guess I'm used to doing things near "perfectly" the first time around. Especially since animating just one scene can take nearly a whole day.

I can't wait for Computer Animation, but Traditional Animation is truly testing my loyalties. I don't want to go into Game Art and Design because I don't care about Game Mechanics. I don't want to write a 10 page paper on a particular game mechanic that has been prevalent in games throughout the years. I don't want to break Space Invaders down into parts so that I can understand how the game works and why it was made in a certain way.

But, I also don't really want to go into Illustration because...I don't think it pays much? It's a harder industry to survive in? I'm not great in conceptualizing characters. Then again, I haven't really been trying all that seriously.

I could always try animating in Maya on my own to see if I'm good at it, I can try conceptualizing characters, I can try making actual illustrations.

...I don't know where I stand right now. (i know, i'll never know unless I try, and I will.)

Computer Animation I feel (or brainwashed myself to think) is more respected. Higher demand in. Broader job choices. Well-rounded skills to do anything with. ...Easier to do, maybe?!

I guess it comes down to whether I want to put the time into animating, ya know? Then, just thinking of doing Traditional Animation ALONG with Computer Animation doesn't sound like cake. Not that I ever expected it to be. But now having a taste of what Traditional Animation is like, I almost could say, "I'd rather do without." I keep tabs on the Freshmen Illustrators here, and I'm always intrigued with their projects. Ofcourse, it can easily be a case of "The Prince and the Pauper". One wants to be the other cuz they are tired of what they have.

Rhetorically: I want to be an illustration major because I think their assignments looks easy and fun. But I hear Illustrators who want to be Computer Animation majors cuz they think it looks fun.

Whaaaaaaaat-Ever. I'll just keep truckin'. If things don't shape up by next year.... I don't know.


...BTW, going to DisneyWorld this Saturday. Fun! Never been, so I look forward to the adventure.